new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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