so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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