I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
