Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
