ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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