you would pick up someone in the library
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
