Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
