He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
