A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to align my fucking chakras
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
