But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
