I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
