i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
