Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
