whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
