YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
