He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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