What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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