i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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