I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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