the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize