Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
