Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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