I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
