hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
3pm strippers are depressing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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