508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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