Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
