His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
