I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
