why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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