Screwed.edu
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
