Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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