I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize