Little spoons don't ask big questions
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
