Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
