I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
