when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize