Nicole vs. Life
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
