I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
