The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
