Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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