We won't sleep together?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
