May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
