i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
nutella sex= disaster
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
