White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if only i could text you this smell
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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