the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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