I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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