It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
