Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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