Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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