Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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