She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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