There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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