My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
