You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize