Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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