My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
