My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
