Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
