in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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