So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
