did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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